Moving Forward

Something Different for Me....a Good Feeling

The last two weeks have been very interesting. I received news from just about every man that I have ever had some sort of non-platonic relationship with. Though not all of the news has been straight from them, I still got the news. Ordinarily, this would have caused me to dive head first deep into an abyss of over-analysis, deep reflection, lots of thoughts....blah blah blah! This time it was different. Though I felt like everything was coming at me one set of news after the other (literally within days over a span of a couple of weeks), this time my natural reaction was very different.

I was actually able to just allow myself to feel and then move forward. Instead of putting all of the thought into it, each time, allowed myself to feel and express the emotions. Whether I wanted to cry, smile, laugh, or if I had butterflies or that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach....I simply felt. And when I was done feeling, I was able to simply smile and realize that all of these experiences have shaped who I am, but will not necessarily have to weigh so negatively on who I will be or continue to transition into. I am truly growing. I am growing emotionally as well as mentally and this is a good thing. Instead of trying to mask my emotions and feelings behind a facade, I have been more intentional with sharing my feelings and being very honest with others and mist importantly, with myself. It was not easy to hear this news from these men (each of them have been significant to me in different ways at different times) but...when I changed the approach it made for a better situation. My number one goal is taking care of myself. physically, spiritually (not religiously :0)) emotionally and mentally. These small steps I have taken have already paid off. If other people can pick up and move on and just let things go, why was it so difficult for me to do the same? I cannot say that the journey will be easy, I know at times it will not be. But what is most important is to be proud of myself for my growth thus far....continue to smile, feel, laugh, cry, emote...and just continue to move forward