For me it has always been easier to help others than to say no or walk away. It comes very natural to me, and my struggles generally come with deciding when to draw the line. I have now learned (or really more-so realized) that it is something that must be in my blood. I think it's bigger than me and the way that I think and feel about a particular situation. This is because of my parents. They are givers, helpers, to many people in need. For as long as I can remember, they have always helped others. I have even seen them do it at the expense of their own needs and have often seen then make sacrifices to help others. Though it sets a good example, and is a good model to live up to, it has also caused much confusion for me for many years, but the last 3-4 in particular. With some people (ok, most) I would not even think twice about helping. I would even go so far as to take immediate action or offer without actually being asked for the help. In terms of helping others financially, my dad always told me "don't loan out any money that you cannot afford to lose, because 9 times out of 10, people will not pay you back". On that one....he is definitely correct! They don't. At all...usually and often!
That doesn't bother me too much anymore, but what did bother me was not wanting to be taken advantage of and not being appreciated. What I have learned here recently, is that neither of those two things actually matter. In a conversation I had with my mother recently, (which is similar to some we've had in the past), she told me that she helps people in her family and her loved ones because that is what she likes and wants to do. She also stated that people often tell her that she does too much for others, and that she is being taken advantage of. She believes that the things that others say do not matter and that she will continue to do what she wants to do.
Today in church, the pastor talked about spiritual gifts. From what he said, I think my mom and dad's spiritual gifts are selflessly helping others. To most people, there isn't much of an understanding as to why they do it, but they continue to anyway. They are "helpers & servers" and I believe this may be one of my spiritual gifts as well. We can help and/or serve others in many ways and ways that are necessary to each individual person.
What sets me apart from them is that I have also realized that the best way for me to help some people, will be to not do things for them. Rather help them to help themselves. The help doesn't always have to be financial or tangible at all. Maybe just listening to someone or sometimes even saying "No" can potentially be the most beneficial and helpful thing I can do for some people. Perhaps telling someone the truth can be helpful. I can think of a situation that I have been in for a few years now, that I will have to make a drastic change in. I am going to have to come to a decision, and be very open and honest with someone about some things. This is not going to be easy AT ALL! But it is going to be helpful, and the best thing I can do for both the other person and myself. I am not responsible for everyone's feelings. I don't think I am a savior, just a helper!
I have learned where to draw the line. Will there be set backs? YES. I have actually already started receiving some negative feedback, flak and so on....but that does not mean that I will change or revert back to do as much for others. I will stay grounded in ensuring that I am looking out for myself more as well. My health, and well-being are just as important as others. If I cannot help or do things for myself, I cannot truly help others. A Quick yes, will turn into a slower yes, or a maybe, or a yes if.... and sometimes even a NO. We cannot save everyone. We can do as much as we can for others, help them, uplift them. But for some people, it will be up to them to truly save themselves. It's time and it's fair!
No comments:
Post a Comment