So even though I am a day late, I decided to do a birthday post because after all, they only come once a year and since this is "projected" to be our last year on earth then I guess this one better be done and be good!....
Well I must say, this was an interesting one...very different than the usual for me. I always do something "semi-big" for my bday. Whether it is a big group dinner & going out, a party or a trip birthdays have always been pretty special for me. This one, though not as much grandeur however, was special as well.
This birthday was somewhat nostalgic for several reasons:
1. I miss home. Wow did I really just admit that? I have not lived "at home" or in my "home city" for almost 10 years now and somehow I miss it more now than ever. It is familiar to me, and though I have been here in NWA almost a year, it is still very unfamiliar. I think part of this is due in large part to my living situation. I am a settler, that is how I find comfort and peace, and living in a "temporary" place, with packed boxes and bins just doesn't help me at all. Additionally, I miss my family and friends back home in the DFW, in CS and in Houston.
2. I am getting older....but that is okay! It is inevitable that as long as we live, we will get older. It seems like an elementary concept that is easy to grasp, but everything that comes along with it may not always be. That has been my reality until now. With my aging process has come more experiences, greater independence, and a growing desire to identify some "true purpose" in my life. I can't say that when thinking about my future, this is where I saw myself at this point, but I must admit that there is some good to what I have accomplished and I must recognize this.
3. I am lonely. Yes the "Big L".....I have been avoiding, trying to sleep off, throw up, shake off, and forget about this, but it is a true fact for me. I am lonely. What I will take for myself through this glorious 27th year of my life is that it is alright for me to feel this way, and since I am not complacent or content with it, then I need to change it. And it is up to me. The older (and wiser) I get, the less I leave to the idea of pure fate, and the more I realize that I have a part in shaping and creating my own destiny & future. I put energy out into the universe, and in return it provides a cyclical effect that has so much to do with what I get back. This is where I find myself in terms of my loneliness. It isn't something that I can continue to be sad, lonely or pray about without accepting personal responsibility. I have a part in it, and it is time for me to put something into making things happen for myself. Now the question is where exactly I will take it, or what exactly I will do, and I do not have an answer yet but I am at the first step and I know I will be alright.
Now back to the actual birthday. I did get a few great surprises from some wonderful new people in my life, and some old well wishes from others as well. So all in all, though there was no massive group dinner, party, trip to Vegas, or going out...I did have a good birthday and I am very much thankful and well aware of the blessing of another year of life.... "To 27, letting go of 26 years past, living in the moments of 27 and looking forward to 28 and many more to come....God Willing of course :-)"
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